'Get in the Habit' to Understand before being Understood, Habit #5

Ah, the habit of Mutual Understanding; the principle of this practise being to communicate effectively you must first understand each other. The paradigm being 'I listen with the intent to understand' and NOT to 'listen with the intent to reply.'

Your behaviour should be to "diagnose before you prescribe," meaning to listen empathetically to your speaker and to seek to be understood from the other's perspective.

'Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

 The result of your good listening? A greater influence with others, solutions to complex problems, clarity on real issues and faster problem solving.

This habit is one of the most important to me; So many friends and come in and out of my life that need to diligently practise this habit.

No one wants to hang out or be around someone who constantly talks with no intent to let the other speak.

Or when they do let the other speak, they don't listen to what is being said because they are too busy thinking about what they are going to say next.

I've stopped seeing friends who act like this, and truth be told a large percentage of girls always act like this...

Having a conversation with someone shouldn't be a competition to see who can get the most words out first.

"When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I asked is that you listen; not talk or do - just hear me." - Ralph Roughton, M.D.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

Most people don't take the time to think about a diagnosis before prescribing a solution. They jump to conclusions and assume they understand in order to get out their personal opinion or advice faster.

'To Listen with a Virtuous Heart'

Empathic Listening is reflecting on what a person feels and says, in your own words.
To first listen with your ears, watch with your eyes and understand with your heart before you reply.

Many people in my life misunderstand listening with emotion. If I realize that I wont get much talking or understanding from a conversation then I 'give up' and just let the other continue to talk. Once they realize that I am not actively contributing to the conversation they see it as I am upset or not feeling well. They ask 'what's wrong?" and I say nothing, because I have decided to listen to them instead of over-exert myself trying to speak over them or interrupt them... Ain't nobody got time for that!

Can you think of a time  when the person or group you were with failed to understand before being understood? Can you think of a moment when you may have failed while talking to someone else? Are you a 'conversation-controller' or a 'conversation-listener'? Please feel free to comment with your insights and stories :)

Up Next: 'Get in the Habit' of summing up Synergy!