'Get in the Habit' of Sharpening your Skills... I mean the Saw, Habit #7

The final habit of highly effective people is the practise of 'Renewal.' One of Stephen Covey's favourite and most remembered sayings was that "the Key to the many, is the one."

The principle being to maintain and increase effectives, we must renew ourselves in body, heart, mind & soul. The paradigm for 'Sharpening the Saw' is that "I nurture the goose that lays the golden eggs." Does anyone else remember that saying?

The behaviour we must follow to achieve this habit is to renew regularly in the four skills dimensions & to be strong in hard moments.

The results of this practise will be an improved capacity of stronger relationships (continuously,) greater reserves and continuous improvement of all things.

Renew Regularly your Four Skills Dimensions

These dimensions make up every task or emotion that contributes to our daily lives (and the other 6 habits.) They are physical, social/emotional, mental & spiritual.

When sharpening the saw it's important to take time now and then for self-reflection in how you are doing in these aspects of your life to see if you are on the right track, or need some reconstruction.

One - Physical

This dimension focusses on exercise, nutrition, getting enough rest, stress management & economic health. Irregular reflection of this dimension typically leads to depression.
This is most hard to follow in college life; where students stress about academics, family, finances, social status, new experiences and future plans.
Here are some tips to renew yourself physically...

• Get the amount of sleep you know you need (most people say between 7-9 hours no more or less)
• Set health and fitness goals (if you have to - but stick to them) train to run a marathon or set a goal for your weight or cholesterol
• Eat more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, fiber and drink lots of water
• When you exercise make sure it includes flexibility, strength & cardiovascular endurance training as well
• Reduce stress by eliminating any Quadrant 3 activities taking up 'urgent clutter'

Two - Social & Emotional

This dimension focusses on consistent deposits in your Emotional Bank Account of key relationships (and trust) in your life.

If by chance everything you say could be heard (for a day) by everyone, would you choose your words differently?

Here are some tips to renew yourself socially & emotionally...

• Keep your relationships in constant repair
• Value the differences in others and the opportunities that arise
• Practise your listening with the people around you
• Widen your circle of friends by forgiving yourself and others who have hurt you (a task I find one of the most hardest to do in our generation..)
• Build family relationships stronger - immediate and extended
• Let go of any damaging competitive feelings you may have towards others

Three - Mental

This dimension focusses on your talents; reading, writing, learning and continuous study. If your current skills were to become obsolete, would you learn more..?
Here are some tips to renew yourself mentally...

• Keep a journal (textile or electronic)
• Read voraciously! Stephen Covey specifically suggests that if you don't know what that word means.. then you should start reading immediately
• Develop a hobby - it allows you to do something you love even if it doesn't end up your job or career
• Continue your education; train your mind to stop every now and then to examine its own paradigm (I believe you can never stop learning no matter what age)

Four - Spiritual

The final dimension focusses on service, value clarification, inspiring literature, meditation & nature.
Giving a service can improve your health; volunteering is good for not only your heart but your immune system, rejuvenation and fight off sickness. Amazing things happen when you not only have a positive outlook on yourself but on others around you too.
The average person works about 11,000 days between their mid-20s until age 65... what legacy do you want to leave during that time?
Here are some tips to renew yourself spiritually...

• Create, review and refine your Personal Mission Statement
• Watch, listen and enjoy the world of nature (I started when I moved to Kingston, I never knew how beautiful city-life could be. Now I try to take a walk in the park at least 2-3 times a week after my classes)
• Read some inspiring literature or specifically the biographies of the authors or people who inspire you
• Commit to a life of total integrity to your priorities (I know sounds like a BIG commitment huh?)
• Practise spiritual worship.... OK or at least listen to inspiration/uplifting music
• Commit to serve your community; no less than 1-3 times a year

Finally, you have now completely your transition into a highly effective person! Up next is the final chapter in our Stephen Covey experience...

Final Chapter: Graduation, Review & Reflection... the Saw Sharpening Finale

 

'...and it's sweet, sweet, Sweet (Public) Victory'... into Interdependence

Once you have overcome the next 3 habits, Think Win-Win, Seek First to Understand to be Understood & Synergize you have now achieved the Public Victory.

This means that you have transitioned from being independent to becoming interdependent.

By gaining a higher sense of interdependence you can now not only rely on yourself with more confidence but rely on others mutually - balancing out each other's dependence.
You should now trust in your own capabilities and even more so in other's strengths as well.

"Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others."

As with the Private Victory you must always keep your Emotional Bank Account strong.

This includes remember the 3-5:1 ratio rule; It may take between three to five deposits to make up for one withdrawal.
Remember what one person think's is a deposit may be considered a withdrawal to another. You need to remember patience and forgivingness.
And be sincere and consistent in your deposits. Small deposits over time can build into large account balances after all.

"See every problem as an opportunity to exercise creative energy & Always start every endeavor with a clear sense of purpose."

Up Next if the 7th and final Habit of Stephen Covey's Highly Effective People. I hope through these posts I have helped you learn a few things about the world, the people around you and yourself - I know I have!
Please feel free to comment about your transitions through thee blogs or any other self-awakening experiences you may have had. (Don't forget to brush up on your missing habits if you haven't already)

Up Next: 'Get in the Habit' of Sharpening your Skills... I mean the Saw

 

'Get in the Habit' to Understand before being Understood, Habit #5

Ah, the habit of Mutual Understanding; the principle of this practise being to communicate effectively you must first understand each other. The paradigm being 'I listen with the intent to understand' and NOT to 'listen with the intent to reply.'

Your behaviour should be to "diagnose before you prescribe," meaning to listen empathetically to your speaker and to seek to be understood from the other's perspective.

'Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

 The result of your good listening? A greater influence with others, solutions to complex problems, clarity on real issues and faster problem solving.

This habit is one of the most important to me; So many friends and come in and out of my life that need to diligently practise this habit.

No one wants to hang out or be around someone who constantly talks with no intent to let the other speak.

Or when they do let the other speak, they don't listen to what is being said because they are too busy thinking about what they are going to say next.

I've stopped seeing friends who act like this, and truth be told a large percentage of girls always act like this...

Having a conversation with someone shouldn't be a competition to see who can get the most words out first.

"When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I asked is that you listen; not talk or do - just hear me." - Ralph Roughton, M.D.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

Most people don't take the time to think about a diagnosis before prescribing a solution. They jump to conclusions and assume they understand in order to get out their personal opinion or advice faster.

'To Listen with a Virtuous Heart'

Empathic Listening is reflecting on what a person feels and says, in your own words.
To first listen with your ears, watch with your eyes and understand with your heart before you reply.

Many people in my life misunderstand listening with emotion. If I realize that I wont get much talking or understanding from a conversation then I 'give up' and just let the other continue to talk. Once they realize that I am not actively contributing to the conversation they see it as I am upset or not feeling well. They ask 'what's wrong?" and I say nothing, because I have decided to listen to them instead of over-exert myself trying to speak over them or interrupt them... Ain't nobody got time for that!

Can you think of a time  when the person or group you were with failed to understand before being understood? Can you think of a moment when you may have failed while talking to someone else? Are you a 'conversation-controller' or a 'conversation-listener'? Please feel free to comment with your insights and stories :)

Up Next: 'Get in the Habit' of summing up Synergy!

 

'Get in the Habit' of summing up Synergy, Habit #6

Habit #6 is to Synergize; which also stands for creative cooperation. You must learn to value other's differences by becoming the "spirit of reverence and respect." It is basically the 3rd alternative in all difficult situations. The barriers to face with this habit have to deal with your character, listening skills (or lack thereof) and of course WIN-LOSE systems - meaning this habit deals closely with Habit #4 Mutual Benefit.

The principle of synergizing is that the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts; meaning that the paradigm is that together we can create a better way, a higher way, than alone. In order to change your behaviour to achieve this habit you must value & celebrate differences and practise cooperation. This results in...

• innovation and invention,
• new and better solutions,
• transformed relationships
• and an appreciation of diverse perspectives.

"People who are truly effective have the humility and reverence to recognize their own perceptual limitations. And appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings." 

Synergizing (Creative Cooperation) is the process that creates new possibilities in benefit of both sides involved. As with finding mutual benefit you must look for the third alternative in every situation or conflict.

Check your willingness...
Be willing to search for a third solution that is better than what either of you has in mind alone.
Reflect both viewpoints...
Restate the other's opinion to his/her satisfaction to make sure you have understood properly before you state your own.
Create new ideas...
Propose and refine new ideas until you both arrive at a third alternative.

The Third Alternative

It takes a lot of internal security; beginning with the spirit of adventure and discovery - eager to cooperate. You have to learn to step out of your comfort zone (whether that be your controlling or compromising personality traits.) But by becoming a pathfinder to new possibilities you will both create a third alternative.

You will both have a change of heart and feel new energy and excitement created with your mutual benefit. You will see things in a new way as your relationship is transformed and less stressful and complicated. And finally, you will both end up with an idea that is better than what either of you started with (kind of like the expectations of a brainstorming session.)

Up Next: '...and it's sweet, sweet, Sweet (Public) Victory'