'Get in the Habit' of Thinking Win-Win, Habit #4 of Mutual Benefit

And here starts round 2 of your transition into becoming the most highly effective you, possible! Stephen Covey's fourth Habit is the 'golden rule' of mutual benefit & abundance...

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" - George Eliot

The principle behind this habit is that effective long-term relationships of any kind require mutual respect and mutual benefit.

The paradigm for 'thinking win-win' is of scarcity; 'there is plenty out there for everyone, and more to spare' vs. thinking ineffectively which would be 'there is only so much, and the more you get, the less there is more me.'

The behaviour needed to achieve this habit is balancing courage and consideration, while also creating win-win agreements and systems. This results in faster solutions to problems, more team involvement and cooperation, a greater spirit of generosity which builds richer relationships.

Courage...

is the willingness and ability to speak your thoughts and feelings.

Consideration...

is the willingness and ability to seek and listen to others' thoughts and feelings with respect.

Think about the relationships you have with coworkers,  close friends or  family members. How do you typically interact with these people?

Do you bicker and argue until someone gives up? Do you compromise? Or do you never even let the other get a word in edge-wise?

 

The Six Paradigms of Human Interaction (Agreements Systems)

LOSE-WIN Characteristics: I always get stepped on...

• voices no standards, no demands or expectations for anyone else,
• is quick to please or appease,
• and buries a lot of feelings internally

LOSE-LOSE Characteristics: If I'm going down, you're going down with me...

• is the mindset of a highly defensive individual,
• nobody benefits from the situation making a complete 'no win,'
• and is the long-term result of 'win-lose' or 'win' systems.

WIN - LOSE Characteristics: I'm going to beat you no matter what...

• is very common scripting for most people,
• is the authoritarian approach to most situations,
• uses position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get 'the win.'

WIN-WIN or NO DEAL Characteristics: Let's find a solution for both of us, or let's not play...

• allows each party to say no,
• is the most realistic approach at the beginning of every situation,
• is the highest form of WIN-WIN systems.

WIN Characteristics: As long as I win, I don't care if you win or lose...

• very self-centred,
• thinks of themselves first,
• and doesn't care if the other person wins or gets hurt.

WIN-WIN Characteristics: Let's find a solution that works for both of us...
is cooperative and not competitive,
and listens more to be able to communicate longer and with more courage.



 

Up Next: 'Get in the Habit' to Understand before being Understood